My Little Angel — Journal Entry Two

We are happy to announce that we are now planning the home birth of our first rainbow baby. Though it didn’t look like it last April when I was going through a miscarriage, God truly does work things out for the best. 

“Give yourself time to grieve over what you have lost, but rejoice evermore in what the Lord has given you.” — Frank Jolly

I’ve decided to change the title of my journal to “My Little Angel” instead of “Miscarriage Journal.” It’s a little more uplifting. And I know that my little angel is with God now.

My pastor Frank and his wife Tracy just left our house. They came over for about an hour or so to talk and pray with me. I’m so thankful for the amazing amount of support I’m getting from the people who love us. This morning, my sister-in-law Melissa called to invite me out on the lake. My mom has promised to stay with me while Jereme’s at work so that I don’t have to go through this alone. My other sister-in-law Janet sent me a sweet text this morning to let me know I was in her thoughts. My manager is letting me work from home until the miscarriage passes. Lots of people on Facebook — even people I haven’t seen since high school — have said they’re praying for me. I’m just…

Thankful.

Thankful that I don’t have to go through this alone.

Thankful that I can still look at pictures of my nieces and nephews and smile.

Thankful that I know God is going to pull me through this.

Thankful that one day I’ll get to meet my little angel, and introduce him (or her) to his father, grandparents, siblings and cousins (including the baby boy that my sister and brother-in-law are adopting in July!)

Thankful that so far, the actual miscarriage hasn’t been very painful at all.

The Lord gives and He takes away. And even though I’m feeling lost right now, I can still rejoice in those gifts that He has given me. I know that someday, I’ll understand why this happened. But I will give myself time to grieve.

I realized yesterday that this is the first time I’ve ever lost someone I cared so dearly about. And I never even heard its heart beat. But it was alive at some point and growing inside of me and now I believe its soul is with the Lord.

I’m still on that emotional roller coaster. Laughing one minute. Sobbing the next. I will probably never forget this experience. But believe it or not, I’m thankful for that too.