A few months ago, I got in a huge fight with my husband. Every couple fights. Friends fight. Anyone who’s in a real relationship with anyone experiences conflict. It’s just a part of life. Often, we get into arguments and our main goal is to win. We lose sight of everything else around us, because all we care about is winning. Pretty soon, we forget why the fight even started in the first place. We forget what it is that we’re even trying to win. To this day, I still don’t know what that fight was about and how or why it even started. I do know that I said something I didn’t mean. Something so horrible that I won’t even repeat it here. A nasty word that I’ll never throw out again.
Conflict resolution is hard. Especially when you’re still trying to win. There are hundreds of ways to say you’re sorry, but me being the person that I am, I had to come up with the most unique way possible. I did say “I’m sorry” the conventional way, but the entire thing gnawed at me so much that this song just poured out of me. Jereme doesn’t always “show” or communicate his love for me – he’s a guy. Guys aren’t really the emotional types, so I just have to trust that it’s there. And I don’t always show him the respect that he deserves, but he knows deep in his heart that I believe he has a beautiful soul.
I won’t get into the nitty gritty, but that’s the gist of this song. It’s called “The Fight,” and I wrote it shortly after we had that fight. I’m not so great at resolving conflict. There are hundreds of ways to say sorry. Though I did say “I’m sorry” in the conventional way, I had to do something more. He’s heard the song before, but I wanted to film myself singing it and put it up on my site so that he’d be able to listen to it anytime he needs to be reminded that he’s beautiful, inside and out. (Sorry the lighting isn’t better. Our living room is dimly lit.) In case you want to read the lyrics:
I want you to know, I didn’t mean
To throw out that word that made you think you had failed me
I want you to know, despite what it seems,
I am so proud of you and who you’re becomingYou have a beautiful soul
I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid
To tell me when you make a mistake
I want you to know, I’m on your team
We are in this together, whatever that meansYou have a beautiful soul
They say the path to hell is paved with good intentions
But your will is stronger than the nature we were born into
And in my eyes, we occupy a new dimension
Where those little sayings don’t apply to me and youYou have a beautiful soul
